I always grew up having close guy friends because quite frankly, I found girls way too complicated. When in high school, I became close to these two girls and quickly became best friends. I opened up to them and poured out myself, thinking I was not going to get judged for it.
Well obviously not. I can’t believe you. First of all, to the person who just started ignoring me out of no where, why? I found out that it was because I was apparently talking shit about you. Well gee, I wasn’t. But that got me thinking about the times when you would get pissed off for no reason and start ignoring me. Was it too hard to have a conversation with me and talk it out? Clearly it was too damn hard. I don’t even know the real reason, thats how trivial this all is.
To the other person, I realize that I was so naïve to think that I was going to be life long friends with you. To hear you say “I don’t want to take sides, but I know that you’re ok being alone, it’s ok for me to ignore you. She needs me to be there for her, I can’t leave her alone because she doesn’t have as many people as you.” What kind of fucking bullshit is that? And for me to cry in front of you and tell you what my family was going through, do you know how much that took? Well obviously not because I had to see you guys mocking me.
When I saw those facebook messages, those AIM messages I was fucking shocked. All that bullshit that was shown to me, all that bullshit that I really wished I didn’t see, because that has completely tarnished my view of you. I said I didn’t need to see it but I’m so glad he convinced me to read it. Since fucking freshman year, talking bullshit about me and other people? And then to talk about your supposedly close friends? Holy shit, there are so many things I wish I could erase from my memory and all that fucking shit that you guys gossip about, all those people, I really wish I never saw. Calling me a fatass, a cheapass, a bitch, a slut, saying that I make you furious when you think of me? Saying so many other things that I dont even want to fucking think about. I can’t believe I wasted so many fucking tears on you guys, crying by myself wondering why you guys left.
It’s so hard for me to trust people now. I never thought that you two would be the people to play such a huge role in fucking up my trust in people. I’m thankful though, because it has shown me the people that truly matter in my life. There are times when I think back and I smile because there were many many good memories. There are times when I think and I feel so much anger and hurt that it’s scary. But it’s ok. Each day it gets better and some day, when I’ve completely moved on, well, by that time, it wont matter anymore.